


look at me, look at me

by kuttsukiboshi



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Canon Universe, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, also a love letter to song mingi, overuse of the word seduce, the inherent homoeroticism of sharing earphones, this is just 3k of jongho being gay and stressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28844661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuttsukiboshi/pseuds/kuttsukiboshi
Summary: They've been roommates for quite some time now, and Jongho is almost convinced that if they stopped being roommates it might become at least fifty percent easier to get over his inconvenient feelings that are at risk of fucking up their friendship, or the whole group dynamic, or the group's whole reputation in general.And even if the world finding out that Choi Jongho is in fact, gay (and very much into Song Mingi), he'd have to explain to his extended family at Chuseok that gay people do exist, and it's not just something he picked up from working in Seoul, or wearing makeup or living with seven other men.On the other hand, there is no platonic way to explain to Mingi that he wanted to move rooms before he did something stupid, like actually fall in love with him.(or: at this point, the only person that doesn't know that choi jongho has a crush on song mingi is song mingi)
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Song Mingi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 87





	look at me, look at me

**Author's Note:**

> *slides my third ateez fic into the tag* jongho/mingi is criminally underrated and as the only jonggi enthusiast i know i decided to intervene. this fic was written impulsively in like a couple of days and i have no idea what it is but hopefully someone out there will enjoy!
> 
> (and yes, the title is from a [twice song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AdsoqOY_4o))

At this point, it seems like the only person who doesn't know Choi Jongho has a crush on Song Mingi is Song Mingi. This is simultaneously extremely inconvenient and also kind of a lifesaver for him.

Here's the thing.

They've been roommates for quite some time now, and Jongho is almost convinced that if they stopped being roommates it might become at least fifty percent easier to get over his inconvenient feelings that are at risk of fucking up their friendship, or the whole group dynamic, or the group's whole reputation in general. 

And even if the world finding out that Choi Jongho is in fact, gay (and very much into Song Mingi), he'd have to explain to his extended family at Chuseok that gay people do exist, and it's not just something he picked up from working in Seoul, or wearing makeup or living with seven other men. 

On the other hand, there is no platonic way to explain to Mingi that he wanted to move rooms before he did something stupid, like actually fall in love with him. Because he wasn’t in love with him, it was just… feelings. He didn’t know when his feelings had gone beyond just being vaguely into Mingi, but at some point, things had just started meaning  _ more.  _ Little things, the way he caught his eye when they were performing, how he could always somehow sense when someone was feeling down and attached himself to them with out of the blue compliments, how his voice sounds different at night, deeper but also softer.

If Jongho’s luck carried on like this, KQ Entertainment and probably his whole extended family would know about it before Mingi did. 

"You're overthinking it," Wooyoung told him, when he was in the middle of being murdered by San in their latest video game obsession, "How's anyone even gonna find out that you're-  _ fuck,"  _ he tossed his controller aside, "gay?" Jongho watched his character explode on screen.

"That's not the point," He sighed. All of the 99ers seemed afflicted with the same tendency to just say whatever they felt like, without any filters. (Including Mingi. Actually, especially Mingi.) Which unfortunately did not make for good advice on how to completely avoid a problem. "It'd be too weird."

"He's not gonna be weird," San said, in what was probably supposed to be a soothing tone but was not helped by the fact that he was in the middle of fighting off an attempted headlock from Wooyoung, "He loves you,"

_ Of course he does,  _ Jongho thought, miserably.  _ He loves all of us. _

"You don't have to like,  _ confess,"  _ Wooyoung continued, giving up eventually. "You can seduce him,"

“Yeah,” San seemed to forget about his feud with Wooyoung in a matter of seconds, leaning into his side. “Seduce him,”

"Seduce him," Jongho echoed, faintly.

"Who are you telling Jongho to seduce?"

"No one," Wooyoung and San said in unison, as Jongho twisted around to see Yeosang leaning on the doorframe. He raised an eyebrow at the three of them. Judging on his expression, he knew exactly who they were talking about. Again,  _ everyone  _ knew. (That or he had a psychic connection with Wooyoung and/or San and therefore didn’t need to be told.)

"I'm going," Tired of the knowing looks they were all exchanging, and maybe just a little bit embarrassed at the concept of  _ seducing Mingi,  _ Jongho got up and pushed past a laughing Yeosang to seek refuge in his room.

His room that he shared with Mingi. 

Shit.

He did not think this through. Any of it. Like, his whole life leading up to this moment where he had to look Song Mingi in the eye and pretend he wasn’t thinking about how he could seduce him. 

"What's up?" Mingi said, as soon as he walked in, and Jongho completely blanked out for a second.

"What?" He said, eventually.

Mingi looked somewhere between confused and faintly amused at this incoherent response. "You look... stressed,"

"I'm good," Jongho replied, a little too quickly. It seemed to be enough to satisfy Mingi, who hummed in acknowledgement and went back to watching something on his phone. Their performance from the other night, Jongho realised, as he registered the music coming from the speakers. It took him a moment longer to realise he'd just been standing staring at Mingi for what was probably a suspiciously long time at this time, and busied himself rifling through some of his clothes piled up at the other end of the room. 

Mingi's part in the song ended, and he looped the video back. Monitoring himself, clearly. "Do you wanna watch a movie?"

Jongho turned around, blinking. "Huh?" That had come out of nowhere. Mingi was regarding him expectantly. "Uh, I was gonna-" He gestured vaguely to the clothes pile he'd been searching through, "gym."

"Ah," Mingi's face seemed to fall for a moment, but he quickly recovered, going back to his phone. Jongho dithered for a moment.

"We can watch something later, if you want?" He offered. Mingi looked up again immediately, face lighting up with a broad smile.

"Cool."

Jongho tried to tamp down the swirling giddy feeling that came from that simple interaction. "Cool." He echoed.

He worked out for almost two hours, and still failed miserably to get the other boy out of his head.

  
  
  


"Can you run that by me again?"

Jongho looked at the ceiling so he wouldn't have to make eye contact with Seonghwa again. "I don't wanna say it again,"

The room was lit with artificial lights that burned the corner of his eye, making the beginnings of a headache start to build behind his temple. It was 7am and it was too hot in this room and he’d accidentally detached a strap from his outfit that wasn’t meant to be detached. The coordi-noonas had not yet noticed, but his days were numbered. 

"They told you to seduce him," Seonghwa said, which wasn't much better than Jongho having to repeat it, honestly.

"Yeah,"

"And-" Seonghwa paused, narrowing his eyes in confusion, "What do you want  _ me _ to do about this?"

"Well," Jongho started, defensive, "I thought you would know... things. About, uh, stuff."

"Stuff," Seonghwa raised an eyebrow.

"Gay stuff," Jongho said.

Seonghwa snorted with disbelieving laughter. "Did they tell you to ask me, as well?"

"No," Jongho said, fervently. "I don't know why I went to any of them for advice," He looked back at Seonghwa, "You're the only other gay person I know, hyung," He hoped the pleading note in his voice came across as genuine and not just desperate. 

Seonghwa's face did something weird, like he didn't know what expression he should make. "That's not even- never mind." He shook his head. "Jongho-yah, seducing people isn't about gender. It's about the person."

Jongho stared at him.

"What the fuck are you guys  _ talking _ about?"

Hongjoong was regarding both of them from across the table with an expression somewhere between confusion and intense judgement.

"Nothing," Jongho said, at the same time as Seonghwa said: "Take a wild guess,"

"Oh," Hongjoong's eyebrows shot up, realisation dawning on his face, "Ohhh,"

Jongho kind of wanted to die.

  
  
  


_ Seduce him, seduce him, seduce him. _

He was never going to Wooyoung and San for advice ever again. Or, for that matter, any of his members, even though Seonghwa's advice had been slightly less insane, it still didn't really help.  _ It depends on the person, not the gender _ , Seonghwa had told him. You have to do what he would like. But how was he meant to know what Mingi even liked?  _ Probably girls _ , his brain supplied, unhelpfully.

Well. Probably.

The other big issue that Jongho has (number one being his crush on Song Mingi) was that he had a terrible gaydar. Gay people were supposed to be able to find each other easily, just instinctively  _ know _ , somehow. But it seemed like Jongho had been the last person he knew to find out that Seonghwa was into guys, and his problem hadn't even started there. It'd had been far too long of hopeless unrequited feelings for guys then finding out, years later, that they were in fact not straight after stalking their instagram at 3am.

Whenever Mingi had been asked about his ideal type in interviews, or talked about girls with the other members, he was vague enough that it was impossible to know for sure what he was interested in. Right now, Jongho thought that the only way to find out for sure would be to just ask him. And there was no way he was going to do that.

It's probably better to just assume he wasn't. If only it was that easy.

"Can you guys help me out?" One of their female staff huffed out, in the middle of dragging containers of drink onto the back of a van. She needn't have even asked, Jongho went over as soon as he saw her, pocketing his phone. It was a hot day, and there weren’t many other people around. Other than-

"Ah, noona, let me take that," As Jongho lifted one of the other cases on board, he saw Mingi rush to take the one the staff member was struggling with, "Wow, these are heavy." Jongho deposited his case and went to get another. They were super heavy, why this task had been delegated to one (kind of small) woman was beyond him. He finished hauling his second case and stepped back for a moment, pulling his sweatshirt off. 

Just as he did so, he got the distinct feeling that someone was watching him. And sure enough, when he glanced over, Mingi looked away quickly, picking another container up.

"Are you good?" Jongho went over to help him as he fumbled with it slightly. Mingi looked up at him again.

"Sure," He said, but let Jongho take the container anyway. He could feel Mingi watching him as he lifted it, muscles flexing under his thin t-shirt.

This time, when he turned back, Mingi didn't look away. They stared at each other for a moment. Jongho suddenly felt hot in a way that had nothing to do with the sun beating down on them.

"Wow," Mingi said eventually, stepping forwards, "As expected, you're so strong~" He said it in a joking tone, and reached out a hand as if to feel up Jongho's arm, but stopped before he got there, awkwardly dropping his hand onto his shoulder instead before retracting it.

Jongho had no idea what about this to process first, mainly because this was  _ Mingi _ , and Mingi didn't do awkwardness. Mingi, who was shameless enough to make the likes of  _ Choi San  _ flustered.  _ Mingi _ . 

"Thanks so much, guys!" They both started slightly at the staff member's words, and the moment was over.

Jongho kept thinking about it all day though, about Mingi's gaze heavy on him, and maybe  _ that _ was what he liked. He tried to dispel the thought as something ridiculous, but it lingered at the back of his mind. So maybe, just maybe, it was deliberate when in their next dance practice, he wore a sleeveless shirt. It was definitely accidental when his eyes kept catching Mingi's in the mirror.

When practice was over, Jongho watched the other boy tilt his water bottle upwards to drain the rest of it, sweat shining against the line of his throat down to his collarbones. 

Mingi caught his eye again. For a moment, neither of them looked away. 

  
  
  


"Do you wanna do a cover?"

"What?" It took Jongho a moment to realise Mingi was talking to him, and a moment longer to even respond. They’d been sitting in silence for what could’ve been anywhere between twenty minutes and several hours.

Mingi leaned forward to shove his phone into Jongho's hands, "This song,"

Jongho blinked at the screen for a moment, "Ah, wait," He fumbled to grab his earphones from the desk behind him and plugged them in, restarting the music video. Mingi had offered him his phone sideways, like he wanted him to watch the video, so he did.

The artist wasn't one he recognised, but the song was nice, he could tell why Mingi had recommended it. It was the kind of song Jongho could probably sing well, and-

His thoughts trailed off as the guy on screen curled his hand around the back of another guy's neck to pull him into a kiss. Mingi tugged one of his earphones out, making him tear his eyes away from the screen to look at him.

"It's cool, right?" He put the earphone in his ear, eyes on the guys kissing.

"Yeah," Jongho heard himself say, "Cool,"

  
  


Song Mingi was a lot of things, and stupid was not one of them.

Which was why, when Jongho walked into their shared room after spending way too long stalling, he shouldn't have been surprised to see Mingi was waiting for him.

"Hey,"

"Hey," Jongho feigned nonchalance, pretending his brain wasn't still stuck on the whole trying to get over Mingi slash trying to seduce Mingi slash trying to figure out if Mingi is even into guys or if it’s just Jongho’s brain playing tricks on him- 

"Did you go to the gym again?" Jongho glanced over at him. He always looked younger when he was out of makeup, hair unstyled and falling messily over his forehead. It was easy to forget, sometimes, that there was less than a year in age between them, what with the amount his hyungs liked to baby him. Even though their managers sometimes commented on how he could easily be mistaken for one of the older members.

Jongho hummed vaguely in response, "Vocal practice," He had run out of things to do with his hands, and Mingi was sitting on  _ his _ bed.

"You're working so hard," Mingi said, as Jongho went to sit on the other end of the bed. He shrugged in what he hoped came off as a humble sort of dismissal, trying to hide how conflicted the compliment made him feel. Because Mingi is Mingi, and the compliments he gives are always filled with open sincerity, but. But.

Jongho isn't a kid.

The thought felt wrong, so he pushed it away. "You too, hyung." He picked at a loose thread in the hole in his jeans.

"You're really amazing, you know?"

Jongho looked up. "Um, thanks?" Where did that come from? What was he supposed to say to that? Mingi was just looking at him with an expression he couldn't quite read.

"You're amazing too," He said, and meant it. The words felt like a confession, it would be hard to hold eye contact if Mingi hadn't broken into a smile as soon as he said it.

"Yeah?" He said, oddly quietly. When hadd they moved this close together? There was barely any space between them.

"Yeah," Jongho echoed, and Mingi is too close to him now, and his  _ face _ -

It's unfair, he thought, unfair for someone to have a face like that and then look at you like  _ that _ .

"Hyung," he said, softly. Mingi's gaze dropped to his mouth.

That was all the invitation he needed, he reached a hand up to curl around the back of Mingi's neck and pulled him down to bring their lips together.

He didn't have time to think better of it before Mingi was melting into it, kissing him back, leaning over him to slot their bodies together. They kissed until they ran out of breath, had to pull away just to get air.

"I-" Jongho blinked at the place where Mingi had been, seconds before. His brain was still catching up with what just happened.

"Are you okay?" Mingi said, when he didn't say anything else. His hand, the one that had been gripping Jongho's shoulder, slid down to cover his palm in a slightly more platonic gesture. "Jongho-"

"You... like guys?" Jongho interrupted him. 

It wasn't really supposed to come out like a question, but that was how it ended up sounding. Mingi blinked at him for a second, his careful expression twisting into confusion. 

"Uh. Yeah?" The  _ duh  _ behind those words was clear in his voice. "I thought it was kinda obvious," He laughed. "You know, from the whole," He gestured theatrically, "Making out with you thing," 

"Oh my god," Jongho said, and before Mingi could respond to that, he kissed him again. It was kind of off centre, and their teeth almost collided, but it didn't even matter because Mingi threaded his hands through his hair and pulled him down on top of him this time, and  _ of course _ he's a really good kisser.

"Shit, wait, hold on," Jongho detached himself, breathing heavily, "The door-" He had to rush to close it, climbing over Mingi who unhelpfully did not move in any way to make it easier to get past his long limbs.

"You're so cute," He said, once Jongho had shut the door and spun around to face him again. Jongho narrowed his eyes. "What do you wanna do to me that means you have to close the door?"

"Ah-" Jongho felt his face heat up at the implications of that. Mingi's face quickly shifted from suggestive to a little more serious.

"Too much?" 

"No!" Jongho said, maybe a little too quickly. "I mean- just," He crossed the room again to sit down opposite him again. "I wanted to do that for ages,"

Mingi looked relieved, then surprised, "Why didn't you, then?"

"Cause," Jongho said, slightly indignant, "How was I supposed to know that you-"  _ felt the same,  _ he'd been about to say, but cut himself off. Because he still didn't know if Mingi felt the same, just because he kissed him back, that didn't mean that...

"I guess I should've done something too," Mingi started suddenly, sounding contemplative, "I felt bad, though," He reached up a hand to rub the back of his neck, looking into the distance. 

Jongho blinked at him, slightly thrown off by this, "What?"

"You're the maknae!" Mingi threw an arm out so passionately Jongho had to move backwards to avoid it, "I couldn't just, y’know, defile you,"

Jongho choked, " _ Defile _ -"

"Yeah, I know," Mingi laughed sheepishly. 

"You're not even a year older than me, I'm not a kid-"

"I know," Mingi interrupted him again, "I didn't see you as one. That's why I felt bad." Jongho opened his mouth to speak again, still feeling the need to defend himself, but Mingi seemed determined to continue. He looked utterly serious as he said the next words. 

"I've liked you for ages," A pause. He covered his eyes with the back of his hand in clear embarrassment and half groaned, half laughed, "Like. Way too long."

Jongho's brain stopped working.

"I thought it was obvious," Mingi continued, "I didn't think you-" He looked back at Jongho and trailed off.

"Liked you too?" He found his voice, somehow. This didn't even feel  _ real _ .

Mingi stared at him. "Do you?"

"Of course I do," Jongho huffed. It's still embarrassing to say it, even when Mingi said it first, but right now he was looking at Jongho with an expression of such genuine happiness that it didn't even matter. "I like you," He said, plainly, and then: "Mingi-yah,"

Mingi didn’t even roll his eyes at the informal speech, his face just lit up like Jongho had promised him the whole world. 

And fuck it, maybe he is in love. 

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/yerimiesebot) / [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/kuttsukiboshi) come talk to me <3


End file.
